No offense to the month of March, but it tends to be a bit unremarkable as months go. Everyone is tired of winter and there are no gift giving or bank holidays to liven things up. A few years ago, March got a lot more zazzle for me, when I discovered Irish soda and (Irish) brown bread. (In my opinion, nothing brightens a day better than baked goods!) Some versions of the bread are a bit sweeter, some have currants, others have caraway seeds, but they all tend to be round, slightly dense (perfect for adding Irish butter!) loaves.

I realized that several of my local grocery stores/bakeries offer versions of these treats, so last year I did what I always do when a new baked good item crosses my path; I tried every version I could find and then decided I would try to make it myself.

So, I did some research, bought some specialty flour – it seemed easy enough. Then, I did some more research and bought additional flour. I thought about it lots more and then I did more research. Then I bought some currants. You might be wondering if there’s a typo, but hopefully you are catching onto my vibe at this point. Let me be clear, this isn’t a problem with my editing. It was… procrastination.

A point to be very aware of, I don’t like procrastination. I don’t like the way it feels, and I tend to be a bit bewildered by people who do. Why in the world would you purposely bring on your own adrenaline spike by waiting to do something? (Side note, this is exactly why they do it, but this blog isn’t about them, so let’s crack on…)

Recipe, check. Supplies, check. So why exactly was I procrastinating? Well, I am not a “baker.” I mean, I have baked things, but baking isn’t my thing. Not because I don’t want it to be, but because it takes a lot of attention to detail and precision. Unlike “cooking” you can’t loosely follow recipes (which I do) and “measure with your heart” (which I most definitely do). Because there are chemical reactions that depend upon each other, it must be done precisely. Once you combine the ingredients and add heat, the process continues out of direct sight without any opportunity to tinker, tweak, or intervene. It goes into the oven, and you have to just hope that it all goes to plan. Full disclosure, I have had quite a few lackluster baking results and more than my share of complete failures.

Cooking is way more forgiving; you can taste and season, adjust and alter. It’s very hands on and moment to moment. If it looks “off” you have lots of chances to assess and intervene. I have had a few things turn out not so well, but nothing so bad it had to be thrown out. If I have a failure in cooking, it tends to be because I didn’t ultimately really care for an ingredient, or something just wasn’t “good,” not because I completely messed it up.

So, what was the problem here and could it be solved?

1. Concern about failure. If I am being completely honest (and that’s what we try to always do here) I had no idea what I was doing, and it was scary. Ingredients are expensive and it’s disappointing to have a failure. Think about it, you are so excited for the finished product and then take a bite, only to realize it’s not only not good, but also a waste of resources.
2. Lack of reality. Okay, so ingredients in general aren’t cheap, but these ingredients are all common and inexpensive (relatively speaking). Since we don’t have a resource issue here, what’s going on? I suspect that some of my hesitation had to do with not knowing what I was doing and assuming it was too hard for me to handle. If I write it out in a formula, it’s ingredients + bowl + mixing (and kneading) + pan + heat + time. None of those things are scary on their own. But as a whole, I wasn’t seeing them clearly.
3. Lack of experience. This feels so lame to write, after I just broke down the formula, but here we are. In my mind, not doing something sometimes means I can’t do it. (That’s tough to write, so I know it must be tough to read). You are likely now thinking, but the only way to get experience is…. Yep, you are correct, that’s absolutely how it works.
4. Problematic anchoring beliefs. I don’t see myself as a baker, so I don’t think of myself as a baker. Years ago, I had someone close to me (who’s an excellent baker) criticize something I made for her. It stuck with me and now my internal narrative is I think I can’t do it, I am not good with following directions precisely, I don’t know what I am doing, etc. If you think about it, I literally internalized the message so well that I don’t need anyone telling me I can’t, because I can tell myself!

I could likely find a few other things going on here, but it really all came down to variations of fear.

And how do we dispel fear? With action. But even when we decide to act, it can be hard to actually do it, so we need some accountability.

In this case, I told my Auntie June I was planning to make the Irish brown bread. (she was also part of the journey of “trying all the Irish bread 2024,” so she was particularly excited about the next level – she’s very supportive). She expressed great confidence in me and made me promise to report back. It took me another two weeks to make it happen, but finally, I did. Although I quickly realized my pan wasn’t ideal, I pressed on. And in the end, I made the most adorable, if not ever slightly overcooked loaf of bread I had ever seen. It was dense with coarse, whole grains and once I added the Irish butter (which should be rebranded as “yellow magic”) it was a triumph. I ate every last bit myself and immediately thought of ways to make it better. In this brief, shining moment, I had baked, and I was a baker!

It seems like we cracked the code, right? Well, I was so pleased with myself, I bought the “right” pan and… it sat on the counter for several weeks.

Yeah – Rome wasn’t built in a day, folks. But finally, I made it again and it was better (the new pan was great, and I figured out how to not have it turn out too dark). To date, I have made it three times and each time, it’s been a bit better.

Okay, what have we learned and how can we apply the lessons to other places in life?

1. Perfection doesn’t exist. We all think we know this, but I suspect many of us secretly hold out hope that we will be the ones to finally and impressively, be perfect.
2. Procrastination (if it isn’t your vibe) just makes you feel worse.
3. Your anchoring beliefs are heavy, and they are weighing you down. I internalized criticism (my own and someone else’s) and allowed it to affect how I saw myself and what I did/didn’t do. We all have beliefs like this – either ones we have received from others or ones that we have created in ourselves. My friend either meant well and stumbled in her attempt to provide feedback or it was a weird power play on her part where no one else could be good at her “thing”… Or some other possibility. It doesn’t matter, because even if a narrative was true, it doesn’t have to continue to be true now.
4. Action is the only thing that moves us forward in a tangible way. However, it’s important to make sure it’s “real” action. We can do all the pre-work (often in exhaustive circles) but actually doing something tangible is the goal here.
5. Accountability can be a game changer and community is an incredible blessing. Having someone who is “in it” with you, seemed to be the big propellant forward for me, in this instance. I hit the jackpot with Aunts and I never want to disappoint them. They are always interested and supportive, excited to hear about any and everything I want to share with them. But also, they don’t want me to be fearful or self-limiting. They know I am not perfect, but they are happy for me to be myself.

So, whether your struggle centers around an employee conversation you expect to be difficult or leading a project you have no direct experience with, staying in a swirl of “fake” activity (doing exhaustive research, overthinking) and remaining alone isn’t the way to actually accomplish anything. Putting a direct light on my fears and getting support helped me significantly and I suspect it will do the same for you. Get into truth, get into your community, get some help and get moving forward.

As someone who tends to “go hard” you know that this Irish brown bread has me thinking I now need to dip my hands into the exciting world of sour dough starters next. (I mean, how hard can it actually be???) And of course, I have already started my research on that. Now I just need to get some supplies and well, maybe I should call my Aunt, first…