Earlier this week, I had an educational meeting with my hairstylist, Emily. We agreed I would bring my concerns, tools and products and she’d provide coaching. In preparation for our time together, I developed a list of five things to discuss with her that I wanted some help/advice with. Top concern? Static. For the past few months, it’s been a bit of a losing battle for me dealing with static in my hair, a feeling I find particularly unpleasant.

As part of our visit, we went through the entire box of products I have. After a few minutes of discussion, she revealed something pretty important. My main hair goal (volume) is in direct conflict with my desire to not have staticky hair.

The basic issue is that all of the things that create volume are drying. I use a lighter (less moisturizing) conditioner, then add products with alcohol (to create texture) then use heated styling tools and finish by adding even more products with alcohol to provide some longevity (via hold).

Since static happens because of a lack of moisture, it’s easy to see how I am setting the stage for the exact thing I want to avoid.

This got me thinking about how often our goals and methods don’t align.

For example, you can’t be the boss that is everyone’s friend and never engage in conflict. Or, you can’t make decisions quickly and involve every single person in your organization. It’s like the old joke “you can have it fast or you can have it cheap, but you can’t have both.”

I think part of the problem is that we have people tell us we can have it all, if we just work harder, get up earlier, maximize productivity more, blah, blah, blah. They say we can have work life balance, be the hostess with the mostest, have a high-power career and a perfectly clean house, we can do and be it all.

I mean, maybe?

But only if those things aren’t fundamentally incompatible. Maybe you are struggling, thinking that you should be able to have it all but not able to make it happen in practice. Perhaps you need someone to tell you that it’s ok to be confused why it isn’t working like you want it to. And it’s very possible that you need to take a hard look at your priorities, and what matter most, in this season. Maybe it’s time to bring the things that are causing you static (metaphorical and literal) to someone for some good counsel who can assess your concerns and help you see the places where things begin to break down.

I am happy to report that two days post visit with Emily and things are directionally correct. I am doing several things that add moisture to my hair and then trying not to do anything that contradicts those efforts. So far, these changes have resulted in virtually no static.

The big takeaway? I can pursue hair volume in another season (once there’s more moisture in the air) but at this time, I simply don’t have the ability to “have it all.” Frankly just knowing that and not continuing to battle against that is very freeing. This means I can put my energy where it will actually pay off and find volume where it truly matters. No contradictions, no struggles, no static.