Every year, the King Arthur baking folks designate a recipe to be their official “recipe of the year.” For 2026, it’s their flaky puff pizza crust. Touted as being “shatteringly flaky,” it currently has over 250 reviews with an average of 4.6 stars.
The comments range from it being a “new family favorite” to “good, but there are other King Arthur pizza recipes (their family) prefers.”
Most of the reviews are in glowing terms, professing it as being delicious and worth the time to make it. Clearly, there is a reason it was chosen for their highest honor. But, there is one review that has caused me a lot of thought. She says that her family is “stingy with compliments” and they “pronounced it best ever.”
Now the reason this comment has stuck with me, is because there is an inherent implication that this review is more valuable because the people providing it are somehow more discerning than others who have tried the recipe.
Kerri and I see variations of this all the time. People who are “stingy” with compliments and others who think that when they finally offer praise, it is more valuable.
As someone whose primary love language is “words of affirmation,” this is particularly disappointing. I want to let people know when they are special and/or provide affirming feedback, nay, I need to tell them. The idea that it would be less valuable coming from me, because it flows freely is sad. Now; to be clear, I might be taking this personally, but there are other issues here (that have nothing to do with my own ego).
In our work, we often encounter people who are “stingy” with praise. When pressed, they will often give the following reasons.
- They don’t want people to become used to getting praise, as they might become “complacent” or “entitled.”
- They don’t see a need to affirm when people are “just doing their jobs.”
- They don’t think it’s necessary, because people know “no news is good news.”
- They don’t really know what they should praise (or how to do it).
To me, all these reasons have a “scarcity” mindset. It’s almost as if, in their minds, there isn’t enough reason to affirm or a way they feel comfortable doing so.
So maybe that’s why people feel that praise (coming from someone “stingy”) is more valuable? They think there’s such a limited supply and them deigning to give some of that to me is particularly precious.
Also, I can’t help but wonder if maybe they just haven’t seen this modeled well. When we don’t have someone showing us how to do something, it can be a lot harder to know if we are doing it correctly.
In my experience, I have found that people who tend to be stingy with praise are also stingy in other areas, so I would like to propose a different approach… even if your primary love language isn’t words of affirmation, let’s start being more generous with our praise. Now, I am not suggesting we be insincere or imprecise, but praise costs the giver nothing, while often feeling like a generous gift to the receiver.
So, take a moment and consider if you tend to be stingy in this way. If you are, start taking small steps to increase your comfort with offering praise and affirmation to others.
Not sure how to get started? I want to suggest you make 2026 the year you become fluent in the language of affirmation.
The ingredients you’ll need: Specificity – tell someone exactly why what they did matters and the positive impact it had/has. Good timing – do it as close to the precipitating event as possible; the longer it takes, the less relevant it will be. A spirit of abundance and inclusion – don’t play favorites here, let everyone know when they are doing a great job.
And if you find scarcity creeping up on you? It’s natural that you will feel as flaky as that King Arthur pizza crust when you get started. But hang in there, keep trying, it really will get easier.
And in case no one told you today? Let me be the one to say that you matter. So go let others know that they matter.